somehow today i feel very down, as my title suggests... i dunno why, my heart feels soo very blurgh, ya know... n when i feel like dis i feel dat i'm letting people down coz i am not my cheery self. but i cant help it, if i feel like dis, it feels as if my world is bleak.
i think i might know why. today, kawai msged me, "jd ko beskype ani?" n it was at 636 in the morning in UK. but i saw it at 749am. i just woke up. i felt so bad dat i kol kawai n enoi answered and said she was on her way to tahfiz. bummer!! man!! i cant believe i didnt hear d msg tone. i wished i had, if i had i would've seen zaki, bapa n enoi. n d house. for me, even if i am not wealthy, i dont have the perfect family, i dont have the most beautiful house n i am not the brightest n most beautiful if at all, i dont care. family for me is important. n also friends. i love my family and friends. they are the ones that are always in my heart. even if one triumphs over another, i love them all d same. i do...
obviously, there is something wrong with me.today, with dina providing the cap helang egg noodles, n simah cooking the noodles, i feel as if i am with family. we went down n the housemates and i "beibun" like deres no 2mrw. it was fun!! i do not wish for any other housemates than them. i feel grateful. dere may be bumps along the way but we complement each other. i am so gonna miss them when i come back home. i will cry if i dont see them for a long tym.
so anyhoo, i went lepak-ing at dina's n usually after a few mins with them, i will feel better but i didnt feel uplifted. is dere sumthin wrong with me? i hope not, coz i like me. i like the way i am. i dont wanna change. not at all!! but dont worry my dear friends, i will triumph. definitely... i am who i am n i will be cheerful again. i will still give you hugs if u need one. i will cheer u up if need be. but earlier today i cant. at next door's place, i try to cheer myself up n my friends also did but i felt the same. i hope today will be better.
my heart yearns to be noticed but my mind is adamant. do not budge it said. do not even think about it. be logical. just let go. make the most of your life here. dont go home yet. be reasonable. people want to come here. be tough, my mind said. my heart whimpers but it knows in this case it had lost. i will triumph. i may not like it but its for my own good. in good time, i will be myself.
so here's to the future. may it be bright, may all my good intention be realised in good taste, may my heart be content, may my friends n i have a good tym, may we all triumph over all our obstacles. AMIN!!!
here is what i wrote before today;
heart breaks are never-ending,
obstacles are never-ending,
through the mist of all,
my heart cries for us to be together,
striving to be noticed, my heart knocks on the door of my mind,
my mind ignoring, conquering my heart,
owh~~ my heart,
stay together,
do not break,
for i cant stand another heart break.
adios sadness.
hola happiness.
i love you, family and friends.
my heart is always yours, i will in turn hold yours dear,
cradling them for it is precious,
never taken for granted,
i am extending my arms of frienship and love to you,
my family and friends.
...I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART...
p/s: friends, dont be sad, i am still Zeemah, the one and only. i will triumph. do not worry, i will be myself. just bear with me. hugging all of you with my heart~~ see you.
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