a few thoughts...

when you just received some good news, then you look for that one person to tell it to, it's either you're in love with that person or you feel that the person will feel happy for you. either way, you know telling that person your great news would be something that you n that person share together. you trust that person and you know that sharing the good news with that person will be the one thing that yo both can share. so u share. at least you try... coz when that person isnt there, you look for them. that's a sign. you love them. get a clue. if that person isnt constantly there, then dat means that maybe that person do not care what you feel. they couldnt care less... haha... sucks to be you right now right?? sigh~~~ i dunno anymore...

so yea, dats it... just a thought... sucks to be me~~~ i have to stop kidding myself.. i'm not worth it... not really.. never have been never will be... as i said, sucks to be me... wutever...

i hate you so much ryte nw but i miss you... so bad...

5th july 2009, 23oo hrs;

i know u dont mean it everytym u hurt me, but that doesnt mean dat u would hurt me any less. i know u never ever mean to hurt me. u told me dat n i believe you. i honestly do. i cant say here what u did n said that made me hurt this much, but i also realise that i cannot expect you to know every single tym u've hurt me. coz u r not a freaking mind reader... i understand that. but i also know dat u might be oblivious to my existence as well...!! complicated much?? very!!! i so cant wait to get back home. back home i have a load of stuff to do, not like here when i always feel like nothing. when i feel like nothing, i feel depressed. n when i feel depressed, i feel dat everyone around me hate me. but then u come along n say something. if i'm lucky then u might say something that meks me hepi n i go to my hepi place. but if i'm unlucky, u might say something that hurt me n i cry. huh...!!

wutever... i gez i will have to get used to this. lately nowadays i have an idea as to how it will always be. i will be without you owez. it is the most bitter truth i will evr have to admit but i know it's true.

i am hepi for u that u r hepi now with ur person but dat doesnt mean that i am hepi. i am hepi for u. there's a diff.

i would give anything in the whole world to not care about you but i know it wont be possible. i feel sad dat you dont come around n ask me how i am anymore. i guess u're hepi brabis dat you dont care about me. so i will quit you. i have had enough crying over you. i have my nieces with me here n i cant afford for them to see me cry, so i am just gonna stop...

as of ryte now i am quitting you. quitting you will be a process. it will be hard, it will be very hurtful, but i will get over you. i just hope it will be quicker. i know now dat i cant be truly hepi. at least not now.