okeh i geddit~~~

assalamualaikum... n hola ppl...

so im deep, so what. so im sad. so what. so im emotional. so what. i amonly human. hehe... ntah eh... i feel better today lah.. oh btw its friday 28th nov 2008 1521hrs... as usual procrastinating myself... ada bnyk essays n assignments kn d tulis but on the whole i am totally malas!!! hate the weather.. weather cani makes me wanna be in front of the tv n just laze around. cant afford to do dat salnya aku nada tv n aku bnyk kaja. crap!!

so... my previous post ani sort of like urgh kn? when i read it i was like napa kn aku ani. but m better now. largely thanx to simah lah.. last nyte i had a talk with her n she comforted me. she understood n i am grateful. really needed that talk. thanx simah. dunno wut i would do without you... meant wut i said about family leng ah... shhh.... thanx loads!! only Alah knows how i really appreciate that conversation. thanx to u leng i feel better... love you!!

so..moving on... lapas my talk wth simah, ada deena masuk n den kmi tiga cerita batah2 den ada yanee.. bnyk kmi ckpkn ah.. bri takut punya crita pun ada jua.. hehe.. nearly tidur arah simah punya rm but malas eh...hehe... tp tetidurku pkai kacamata... nda lg kn tebuka kacamata ah... ngantuk bnr2 udah.. hehe... anyhoo.. was a fun nyte, a revealing nyte, a scary nyte, a hugely relieveing nyte (ada kh tu word atu?). last nyte was gd..

so.. erm... mlsku kn tulis lg eh... nantitah lg... oh well... hehe... i miss bapa!!!

bh c yous.. chowsters... adios muchachas!!

sadness all the way~~~

i feel so blue. all the tym.. is there something wrong with me?! i've alwez wondered. everyday there will always be something that makes me sad. the fact that i am not a sharing kind of person doesnt help it much. i am a complex being. no one can ever understand me much. for now, i am a loner. a separate being from this reality i call life. i am who i am. will i ever accept me as myself? i feel gratitude towards The Almighty for His hand in everything i do, keeping me safe whenever i am in danger. i pray for my sake that He will protect my heart from cracking every single thing anyone did that hurt me little by little.. little cracks in my heart in a large quantity will equal a big broken heart. i have a lot of love to give, i just wish everyone feels the same. i wanna feel some love. but for now, i am alone.

friends try n tried to cheer me up but it doesnt work. I JUST WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON MY FEELINGS!!! not the others. okay?!! argh.. ntah eh... napakan aku ani....

i wish to goodness that i will triumph from being so depressed all the tym, coz i know i cant stand this at all... i wanna feel normal. i wanna go home where Bapa can be my rock. i miss bapa... i need bapa n zaki. cannot function without my family by my side. why?!! i want to be here before, why regret it? i dunno... wut the hell have i gotten myself into?!!

i give my love, my heart, my soul. take me as i am. my heart is still yours. it only takes your realisation to complete this never-ending circle... be with me!! ask how i am doing, ask how i feel today, ask how i feel in general. why dont you do that. i hate tag-alongs!!! argh.... Allah help me!!

i dont wanna feel this way. i constantly pray to Allah that He takes these feelings away so i can share you, so i can just fill the void in my heart with my stuff rather than u. n fill my soul with all the blessings n love other people are giving me, rather than waiting to receive yours. ouch my heart... its cracking... a few more n it will be broken. when it is tym for it to be broken through n through, u cannot be in my heart, sweetheart for i will close it n never open it for you ever again. so be quick~~ stop being gentle n force your way in... i am still waiting~~

no love is greater than what i feel for you. if you look closely, you are the only one that can mke me feel happy. you may notice that i dont tell you a lot but i tell you more than what i told other people. be aware!! i love you but i cannot tell you without the consequences... i cant stand the consequences... i know i cant. it will push me over. m on the verge...

urgh... whatever!! i am too emotional... forgive me if i made you doubt me, forgive me if ever i make you feel sad n wishing i hadnt done what i did, forgive me if i cannot tell you i love you...

forgive me for being frank but at the same tym not frank at all... please understand i cannot tell all!! shhhhh.....

~~~~~~~sigh~~~~~~~

~~~~~sigh~~~~~

~~~sigh~~~

~sigh~

...sigh...

i am deep~~~its open for discussion...

2316hrs wednesday 26th november 2008;

tonight went for a walk to the library. been doing that a lot lately. its my so-called exercise. dont judge me!! last nyte went with deena, tonyte went with deena n simah. yesterday my mood was allryte but tonyte......

hmmm.... i think too much. i started being very cheerful tonyte coz i was washing my clothes. evrytym i wash my clothes i will feel very satisfied n hence feel very happy. so went down n cooked n eat with simah. she cooked her mom's curry. yummy btw!! i was d assisstant. then when it comes to baca doa, i laughed in the middle of bedoa. which was seriously stupid of me!! balik2 udahku cani. i hafta stop. why did i even laugh. there wasnt anything particularly funny tonyte!! argh!! i want to always be on my toes n not laugh all the tym. but somehow dat isnt me. i laugh. i make people laugh. all the tym. to stop is just so un-me... i constantly pray that Allah will help me in everything i do n not to let me get overboard but in the end, i will have the final say. to laugh or not to laugh. i laughed. n dat was a mistake.

moving awy from that, i went to library with simah n deena. in the middle of my deep thoughts otw to the library, dere was a huge dog that passed on my path. i didnt see the wretched dog!! i could've easily betayamum tonyte u know!! ergh!! stupid me fr not looking ahead n buried deep in my mind!! next tym i will know...

and so~~~ i am a deep thinker. why? i dunno. mayb thats my nature. i was once a reckless girl. still am sometyms. but i taught myself to be careful of wut i say n do. in d process, i think. from dat i became a deep thinker. i constantly torture myself to analyse every single thing that is happening in my life. i know its not gd but i do it anyways. so friends forgive me if i seem to ignore you or made you worry but i am who i am. i think. too much u think? yes. i think too much. but i will try to change it. deep inside, i am as insecure as anybody but i know that in this world you must steel your heart n face the world. if u r soft n u try to take on the world, you're dead. the world's a wild one. so take chances. be good to yourself n others. so i think. i think before i do anything conscious. thats who i am. for now i cant change. in the future, who knows... it remains to be seen.


i hope i will triumph. i am not who i was. i am who i am. i am a deep thinker. a cook. a passionate person. a fierce friend. a potector. a judgemental person but asks for everyone not to judge her. i think too much. i am a romantic at heart. i am a good listener. a good hugger. might be a good kisser, i dunno yet. might be a bad one instead, who knows... no one can change me. Allah doesnt change people who do not wanna change themselves. only i can change myself... n i will when the right tym comes. only Allah knows... i hope to change for the better. i hope to be a better person. a better devotee to Islam. a better student. a better daughter. a better sister. a better FRIEND, a better hugger, a better shoulder to cry on, a better comforter.

friends, do not be scared. this is who i am. but i am still the friend that u know. that u might or might not love. i cant change how u feel towards me. but i only request that u will not change ur attitude towards me now that u know how i am inside. dont stray away from me. evn if i am silent n seem different, i am not, i just nd to be silent for a bit. in tym i will definitely be myself that u know. i will triumph. i will try n be a better everything but i can only do my best. n sometyms my best isnt enuff. i know but i will try harder.

love me for who i am. hate me for who i am. i will try not to care but keep ur hatred towards yourselves. think before u talk. before u act. the way people think isnt always the same as what u think. so be careful. jaga hati urg n ppl will try to jaga yours. dont judge. let Allah judge. only He The Almighty can judge.

i will leave dis post with a heavy yet lighter than before heart. i have said all i can say n i wish i can just erase all the shortcomings of my life but i know i cant coz all of dat is what made me who i am.

to my friends, dont scatter. be together. we only have each other here. i will join you in our everyday conversations but i might be reserved at tyms. dont worry i am fine. i cant tell u everything but i will tell u wut i can. dont judge n u have my gratitude. dont worry, dont be scared, dont be indifferent. i am still Zeemah, Gymz, Gmah. i am all those but there is more. everybody have secrets. i have loads. will not tell all but keep most. so dont be scared to approach me if u wanna talk or a hug... i will definitely give it. ask for a hug, i will hug you. all u hafta do is ask, n i will try n deliver.

my friends, i do love you. all of u have places in my heart. some are closer to my heart than others but u are all in my heart nonetheless. i am sorry if i ever hurt u or offended u. i am sincerely n deeply sorry. all my acts of affection towards u guys are all genuine. if ever i said i love u n i dont mind, i mean it. i do. so adios my friends. till next tym i write in my deep blog ani. last words, dont judge n be a gd friend. its worth it. if your family is far, your friends are your family. so treat them as u would your family member. i will do the same.

the pieces dont fit anymore, so why bother trying?!!! dont be sad for me, i do that enough for me. nobody has to suffer anymore than they hafta. nothing u confess can make me love u less. i am all ears~~ if u r mad, get mad. dont hold it all inside. tell me n i will try to change. i will try harder.

OUR FUN TRIP TO LONDON!!!

2042HRS TUESDAY 25th November 2008;

last friday, me simah, nyssa, yanee n greyz n kim went to london to vent and such.. a mini-vaykay if u will. it was seriously fun!! if ever a destination that is perfect to go n have fun n just visit its London, esp dis tym of yr... deres supposedly ada parade d hyde park but we didnt go coz we ended up in trafalgar square instead. it was seriously fun. but freakin cold. otw back simah n kim hafta rub my hands to warm it coz my hands were frozen. but all in all it was fun.

so we were actually celebrating greyz' bday on the 21st atu. we bought her a cake n simah cooked mie n i made salad lettuce with thousand island. as w were about to go to London, it was a fun occassion. we ate, laughed in merriment. hehe.. apakan.. ntah eh... anyhoo, we planned to go at three but udah everything abis,we went at 4 labih kn kul 5. went on the train but it was really full. we had to share our space with other people. but it was fun though except for the fact that aku kna tagur nt to naikkan kakiku atas kerusi oleh dis old lady. kmi bnyk begambar lah but we'll come to that later. so we were ataying at Bru Hall for the three daays we're there. klurusan jua ada urg kn exam n nda cukup bilik. on average we had to share a room of two beds between 6 of us. baik jua ada lg satu bilik atu. so we ended up splitting between us two rooms. simah, me n nyssa got one and greyz, yanee n kim shared another with another girl. but on the last night we were in bru hall, all of us tidur d same rm. minus kim cos she wa sleeping arah marriott hotel d london with her uncle, dr. hj. hamzah. he was fun to talk to lah dat nyte. he's a cool guy!!

so the rooms that we had to share was crap. it was bejurit, it was behabuk n it smelled like a hospital. i went to raihan's rm n it was beatiful. lawa. warna maroon n ada flower design d dinding. n her rm smelled nice. oh well... so anyhoo, me n simah shared the bottom part of the bunk-bed. but i need to press the fact that kmi punya duvets are separate okeh.. so no kinky stuff...nyssa tidur atas. so we were kinda sampit. hehe... stuff happened in those night that i dont wanna divulge here.. hehe... wink wink simah!! haha... so anyhoo, we were supposed to tidur awal n bangun awal so kmi dpt compactkn more activities 2mrwnya. but as usual, cerita punya cerita, akhir udah. missed subuh n several other sembahyangs while we were dere. hehe..

kmi bnr2 mkn d sna lah.. like kmi dulur kmi punya parut. me n simah shared everything sal kmi mau rasa semua. we ate steak n cheese foot-longs every single day d london. we ate briani. we ate krispy-kreme. we ate mknan d bru hall. wc btw is nyaman. ayam grill. hehe.. ilang diet d sna eh. but it was seriously fun d sna ah. i wanna go dere some other tym. m going plang ni sma kapjah. kn mkn sushi n i hope to find a coat as well salnya sajuk dh. hehe.... but really...siok..

first nyte, kmi k bayswater. mkn subway. n........wait for it... aku nda betudung... hehe.. n the one tym aku nda betudung sma kwn2, ada tia c chip. punya tebangang nya ia atu. cali jua tu. n ia nda tagur. but apparently ia k sna kn jumpa his daddy. hehe... but anyhoo, moving on...dat embarassing thing aside, i had fun dat nyte salnya hajatku sampai. i ate subway punya barang. nyaman bnr eh. i like it. jauh kmi jalan k subway ah. bayswater.from norfolk square to bayswater is seriously jauh like twenty mins kmi jalan. padahal ada lg ampir. d edgware road. ish ish ish. hehe... but it was an experience jua lah..

talking about edgware road, otw kmi k sna kn aga primark, ada tia urg minta sedakah. membawa dis package like a baby carrier on her tummy but it was covered. ia bubut aku n simah. it was frightening. tym atu aku betudung plg. it was scary salnya ia ckp i nd to buy fd. pls muhammad rasulillah. ntah eh. barat rasa atiku kn tinggalkn tp nya simah i cant feel dat way cos i will definitely kna bubut. so i felt really down asalnya aku hafta tinggalkn dat woman. kesian plg. what if ia bnr nada mknan. tp she should be looking for work rather than ask for assistance catu kn.. tangan yg memberi lg baik dr meminta. we are encouraged to work drpd kn minta sdekah. nda ja? jaaa~~~~ erm.. wallahua'lam..tawakkaltu lillah...its a flaw in the day lah tp other den that i had fun. sat nyte kmi k trafalgar square. i climbed n the statue n posed arah cam. it was seriously fun. hehe... i climbed on a place that is taller than i am. even with ppl helping me up, i wouldnt be able to climb that statue at all.but i did with minimal help. i did it. i did something that i wasnt able to do b4. i am on my way to being kurus.. hehe.. i will triumph!! dats my mantra nowadays... i will definitely triumph... i think n derefore i will!! hehe...

so on sunday when we hafta head back, i was feeling kinda down n simah realise coz saye termenung saje tym solat... but thanx for the hug simah ah... u owez know how to make me feel better at tyms... love you leng...

so on the way back, we went on the train. didnt sleep as usual salnya arah train nda siuk..urg belakang kmi urg arab. bejubah n hijab. bri ijap. tym kmi begambar ia liat kmi bnr2.. scaaaaaryyyyyyyy........

hehe.. m gonna let the pics talk salnya i wanna sleep... the house is quiet... shhh.. ppl are sleeping... nyte people!!

nyte!!!!! see you next tym!!! assalamualaikum!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its just me talking~~

15th November 0241 hrs saturday;

here i am, just finished watching mamma mia for the second tym round. its fun to watch it again. memories came flooding back. memories of old. of me in high school n the living situation that i am having now. similar thing happening to me. i miss her. badly. like really bad. its just dat i am a person who is passionate about things. if i like a person, i would definitely be hanging on to that person for a long tym. n the fact dat if dat person is currently here makes me like so nervous n questioning my every move... m i saying these things ryte? m i doing this ryte? m i hurting their feelings? i over-analyse sometyms....

so enuff drabs... here's wut happened so far...

today, nora n deena k london. they'll be goin till sun.. same plan as the rest of us are gonna do next week... before ani yea... ada gelora d rmh.. hmmm. urg rmh sja yg paham tu.. but all is clear now, all is understood. insyaAllah... btw, deena, ur email was seriously making me sad n i mean every word dat i msged...it clarifies things n i appreciate it.. luv u leng... juz tell simah n me if anything else is bothering u okeh? okeh.. dats dat.. everything will be fyne... we ol need to be understood, n i understand it now~~ no hard feelings i hope...wanted to cry tym cium ur pipi td but i tahan-ed it... really care for u as if my sis... btw, simah n me atu alum mandi td but we clean okeh... haha... ancur eh.. hehe...

so lapas drg jaln, simah went to my room n offered me choc. maltesers... erm.. sorry but aku alum brus gigi lg.. hehe... so i didnt eat it at all... simah udah brus gigi so ia mkn lh.. hehe... apakan.. nada kna mengena bnr eh c gymz ani...

so anyways, eyah came today! so theres two mazs here... funny.. n the kent men came round d house td n were confused. haha.. who wouldnt be? aku pun confused... tp erm... gatal jua lh eh drg atu... the men i mean... maklumlah twins... guys are so typical~~ erm.. not all guys lah.. gay ones excluded...

so simah's n my east asian assignments siap dh like kemarin.. we want to antar it bh.. but crita2, aher tia ntar... konon kn awal ntar tym pg but u know how me n simah are... asyik kn hangout sja.. nah... lunch tia plg.. hehe...

so we mandied, n ate... simah mkn kuay chap n me mie goreng... yum... n simah tepakai bnr kn kuay chap ah... padas... so of course ia suka... so after kmi ntar assignment, kmi k asda... n we had fun!!! we all bought bju tidur n stuff!! lawa kali ah.. but seriously sexy... i cant even wear mine infront of the girls padahal kmi atu mcm2 dh nampak tu ah... but last last kuar jua lh bju ah... n my girls pun nampak.. hehe.. if u know wut i mean.. haha.. meher eh...hehe.. tani tani sja tau tu... hehe.... esp otw k jamban... haha....or after k jamban...hehe... simah, u n me sja tau wt happened dat nyte ah.. hehe... or day? hmmm. i cant remember... waaa~~~ maluuuu~~~~~

so anyways.. imagine dis... kmi k asda dlm kul 2 lalu n kuar asda dlm kul 6lalu.... haha.. n we missed d bus... so ahir... n kmi shopping lh brabis-ish... maybe 2mrw lagi.. liat lah...i nd my cinnamon whirls... yummy~~ so we bought house stuff but we 4got pepper, which is a crucial ingredient for us.. haha.. gila pepper wah kmi ah..

so we cooked nasi ayam last nyte... n it was a success.. it was yanee's mum's recipe... tabik puan!! abis wah nasi semangkuk periuk ku ah.. d biggest rice cooker we have on board.. haha.. laku lh... thanx yanee's mum!! nyaman brabis.. nanti i post gambarnya ah... pyh wah nada camera ani...

so after dat, andang we plan kn liat wayang arh nyssa's rm. n we did.. us gals in our pijamas n stuff... hehe.. fun!! cam slumber partay!! watched mamma mia, ate like krupuk n dip, watched n laughed, mkn krupuk n dip, laughed again, gambar2, mkn krupuk n dip.. u get the drift... it was fun lah.. really2 fun.. n apparently arh rmh eyah its quiet.. n rmh kmi bising so eyah had a sore throat sal bnyk ketawa.. apparently its her 1st tym ketawa bnyk2 d england... hehe.. funny~~~

so there it is... i laid it on the table.. my feelings, d day we had n such.. wanna do dis again sumtym... i wanna be dis happy foreva, but ol good things must come to an end... eyah trus tdur n we dispersed... it is late after all... i mean, its like 3 lalu wah... simah sleep dh... nyaman th kali tdurnya udah nie... happy sleeping darl... itah ganya msa tani sleep.. after dis, assignments!! ahaha...

so as i said earlier, i was missing a friend... i really2 miss her... i need her badly... i wanna hug her coz there's so much i wanna get off my chest... i tell her stuff n she'll be honest with me... n i with her... i miss her... she's d only one who understnnds me n i wanna understand her but sumtyms even if she's near, she's still far... u know wut i mean? like if i'm talking to her n stuff.. we sumtyms go on msn n chat... she is there, her voice is there but she doesnt really open up. i dont really open up to her though jua.. but oh well.. i hope we will be forever friends!! coz i appreciate her very very much... so dear, if u r in fact reading this, i hope u know who u are, know dat u are owez in my heart, embedded in my soul, thrust deeply into the being that is me... we will triumph~~

so i guess for ppl who dunno me, i might sound like a lesbo but i am straight!! straighter than a ruler n stuff... simah tau tu kan leng? hehe... apakan?!! yea, my pt is i am straight, but it is just dat i am a very passionate person. once i love someone, dat someone may never be a bad person in my book. i dont mind doing things for that person, going to the end of the world for dat person. i love my life, i love my family, i love my friends n i love myself. i love myself so much because of the ppl dat makes me who i am. a not so perfect person but a good person. i like to think dat i am a gd person. ppl generally like to think dat they are gd ppl. dontcha?! u hafta give credit for urself... if u love sumone, love urself enuff to luv dat sumone n u wont fall... insya Allah...

so, last words... I LOVE YOU N MISS U MY FRIEND!!! i wish u r here... by my side coz i nd a hug... as simah oready knows, i like to give hugs n i am owez ready to receive hugs... anytym!! bring it on!! try it... you'd be surprised how a hug can affect you... so my friends n ESPECIALLY YOU, MY DEAREST FRIEND, hug me... coz i will return it with the sincerest love and reckless abandonment delved deep from my heart... so hug me!! i will owez nd a hug... hehe..cam desperate wah aku ah.. but really.. hugs make u feel all warm n fuzzy inside... i like the feeling... so i wanna be d one to give sumone dat feeling... best move ever!!! bear hugz for all of u~~ esp my very special friend...

love extended to my family, my special friend n my dear friends n housemates... i love you, from the bottom of my heart... the nicest bottom part of my heart... love you guys~~~

gymz rox!!! is signing out n wanting to sleep... yawn~~~

life in general~~

monday 10th nov 2008 1100hrs;

i am sitting here infront of my lappy, eating my cornflakes, my windows open to let the cool air in. i suddenly had an epiffany. a sudden idea. i write about things that are happening to me n all the happy and bad things n such. without realising it, i suddenly feel that i am laying my soul out there. so whilst my soul is out there for the world to see, i will put forth my thoughts as alwez... no one is going to stop me.

i love my life. i love my family. i love my friends. n i love myself. i would not wanna change anything about my life as yet. without everything in place as it is, i know i would not turn out to be the way i am. n so i thank Allah for making my life what it was n still is. i am grateful. i have a good (not perfect) family, great friends n a sound mind. what more can i ask for. i am loving it.

what is life without any bumps? what is life without the ones you love. i raise my prayers for those whose lives merged with mine. i thank you.

i am not an outwardly emotional person. a bit dramatic but that's all there is.. i love drama in my life. but i am an introvert. if i am sad, i keep it to myself. if i am happy, i will spread it around, becoz it is contagious. i laugh, i cry, i pee, i poo (eheheh...oops..) all in all, i am a normal person. there is not a mystery in me. i like people to think i do. but i dont. at least not much.

i try to show people i love them but i feel afraid that people will recoil if i showed my emotions. i am not the most sensible n lovey-dovey person but like other people, i love to be loved. people need to be loved, n that they need to know that people love them. so, my friends n my family, i love you, even if i dont show it, i do.. im just shy...

i think i feel inadequate in some sense. i feel that i am not perfect, that i am lacking in some aspects of my life. but at the same tym, i have faith in God that He created us all imperfect. no one is ever perfect. so i feel content just being who ia m, how i got here n of my stance in life. i am a reasonable person, a bit overweight (a bit? hah!!) but a reasonable person. apakan??

anyhoo, i wish everyone who reads this to just be happy, love your children as you would your own, love yourself coz this is the only life that u have a say in, love yourself coz u r who u are, love yourself coz u r beautiful, love yurself coz people love u. Just Love Yourselves!!

adios muchacho n muchacha... me love u long tym...

i feel so down~~

monday 10th Nov 2008 0023hrs;

somehow today i feel very down, as my title suggests... i dunno why, my heart feels soo very blurgh, ya know... n when i feel like dis i feel dat i'm letting people down coz i am not my cheery self. but i cant help it, if i feel like dis, it feels as if my world is bleak.

i think i might know why. today, kawai msged me, "jd ko beskype ani?" n it was at 636 in the morning in UK. but i saw it at 749am. i just woke up. i felt so bad dat i kol kawai n enoi answered and said she was on her way to tahfiz. bummer!! man!! i cant believe i didnt hear d msg tone. i wished i had, if i had i would've seen zaki, bapa n enoi. n d house. for me, even if i am not wealthy, i dont have the perfect family, i dont have the most beautiful house n i am not the brightest n most beautiful if at all, i dont care. family for me is important. n also friends. i love my family and friends. they are the ones that are always in my heart. even if one triumphs over another, i love them all d same. i do...

obviously, there is something wrong with me.today, with dina providing the cap helang egg noodles, n simah cooking the noodles, i feel as if i am with family. we went down n the housemates and i "beibun" like deres no 2mrw. it was fun!! i do not wish for any other housemates than them. i feel grateful. dere may be bumps along the way but we complement each other. i am so gonna miss them when i come back home. i will cry if i dont see them for a long tym.

so anyhoo, i went lepak-ing at dina's n usually after a few mins with them, i will feel better but i didnt feel uplifted. is dere sumthin wrong with me? i hope not, coz i like me. i like the way i am. i dont wanna change. not at all!! but dont worry my dear friends, i will triumph. definitely... i am who i am n i will be cheerful again. i will still give you hugs if u need one. i will cheer u up if need be. but earlier today i cant. at next door's place, i try to cheer myself up n my friends also did but i felt the same. i hope today will be better.

my heart yearns to be noticed but my mind is adamant. do not budge it said. do not even think about it. be logical. just let go. make the most of your life here. dont go home yet. be reasonable. people want to come here. be tough, my mind said. my heart whimpers but it knows in this case it had lost. i will triumph. i may not like it but its for my own good. in good time, i will be myself.

so here's to the future. may it be bright, may all my good intention be realised in good taste, may my heart be content, may my friends n i have a good tym, may we all triumph over all our obstacles. AMIN!!!

here is what i wrote before today;

heart breaks are never-ending,

obstacles are never-ending,

through the mist of all,

my heart cries for us to be together,

striving to be noticed, my heart knocks on the door of my mind,

my mind ignoring, conquering my heart,

owh~~ my heart,

stay together,

do not break,

for i cant stand another heart break.

adios sadness.

hola happiness.

i love you, family and friends.

my heart is always yours, i will in turn hold yours dear,

cradling them for it is precious,

never taken for granted,

i am extending my arms of frienship and love to you,

my family and friends.

...I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART...

p/s: friends, dont be sad, i am still Zeemah, the one and only. i will triumph. do not worry, i will be myself. just bear with me. hugging all of you with my heart~~ see you.