i am deep~~~its open for discussion...

2316hrs wednesday 26th november 2008;

tonight went for a walk to the library. been doing that a lot lately. its my so-called exercise. dont judge me!! last nyte went with deena, tonyte went with deena n simah. yesterday my mood was allryte but tonyte......

hmmm.... i think too much. i started being very cheerful tonyte coz i was washing my clothes. evrytym i wash my clothes i will feel very satisfied n hence feel very happy. so went down n cooked n eat with simah. she cooked her mom's curry. yummy btw!! i was d assisstant. then when it comes to baca doa, i laughed in the middle of bedoa. which was seriously stupid of me!! balik2 udahku cani. i hafta stop. why did i even laugh. there wasnt anything particularly funny tonyte!! argh!! i want to always be on my toes n not laugh all the tym. but somehow dat isnt me. i laugh. i make people laugh. all the tym. to stop is just so un-me... i constantly pray that Allah will help me in everything i do n not to let me get overboard but in the end, i will have the final say. to laugh or not to laugh. i laughed. n dat was a mistake.

moving awy from that, i went to library with simah n deena. in the middle of my deep thoughts otw to the library, dere was a huge dog that passed on my path. i didnt see the wretched dog!! i could've easily betayamum tonyte u know!! ergh!! stupid me fr not looking ahead n buried deep in my mind!! next tym i will know...

and so~~~ i am a deep thinker. why? i dunno. mayb thats my nature. i was once a reckless girl. still am sometyms. but i taught myself to be careful of wut i say n do. in d process, i think. from dat i became a deep thinker. i constantly torture myself to analyse every single thing that is happening in my life. i know its not gd but i do it anyways. so friends forgive me if i seem to ignore you or made you worry but i am who i am. i think. too much u think? yes. i think too much. but i will try to change it. deep inside, i am as insecure as anybody but i know that in this world you must steel your heart n face the world. if u r soft n u try to take on the world, you're dead. the world's a wild one. so take chances. be good to yourself n others. so i think. i think before i do anything conscious. thats who i am. for now i cant change. in the future, who knows... it remains to be seen.


i hope i will triumph. i am not who i was. i am who i am. i am a deep thinker. a cook. a passionate person. a fierce friend. a potector. a judgemental person but asks for everyone not to judge her. i think too much. i am a romantic at heart. i am a good listener. a good hugger. might be a good kisser, i dunno yet. might be a bad one instead, who knows... no one can change me. Allah doesnt change people who do not wanna change themselves. only i can change myself... n i will when the right tym comes. only Allah knows... i hope to change for the better. i hope to be a better person. a better devotee to Islam. a better student. a better daughter. a better sister. a better FRIEND, a better hugger, a better shoulder to cry on, a better comforter.

friends, do not be scared. this is who i am. but i am still the friend that u know. that u might or might not love. i cant change how u feel towards me. but i only request that u will not change ur attitude towards me now that u know how i am inside. dont stray away from me. evn if i am silent n seem different, i am not, i just nd to be silent for a bit. in tym i will definitely be myself that u know. i will triumph. i will try n be a better everything but i can only do my best. n sometyms my best isnt enuff. i know but i will try harder.

love me for who i am. hate me for who i am. i will try not to care but keep ur hatred towards yourselves. think before u talk. before u act. the way people think isnt always the same as what u think. so be careful. jaga hati urg n ppl will try to jaga yours. dont judge. let Allah judge. only He The Almighty can judge.

i will leave dis post with a heavy yet lighter than before heart. i have said all i can say n i wish i can just erase all the shortcomings of my life but i know i cant coz all of dat is what made me who i am.

to my friends, dont scatter. be together. we only have each other here. i will join you in our everyday conversations but i might be reserved at tyms. dont worry i am fine. i cant tell u everything but i will tell u wut i can. dont judge n u have my gratitude. dont worry, dont be scared, dont be indifferent. i am still Zeemah, Gymz, Gmah. i am all those but there is more. everybody have secrets. i have loads. will not tell all but keep most. so dont be scared to approach me if u wanna talk or a hug... i will definitely give it. ask for a hug, i will hug you. all u hafta do is ask, n i will try n deliver.

my friends, i do love you. all of u have places in my heart. some are closer to my heart than others but u are all in my heart nonetheless. i am sorry if i ever hurt u or offended u. i am sincerely n deeply sorry. all my acts of affection towards u guys are all genuine. if ever i said i love u n i dont mind, i mean it. i do. so adios my friends. till next tym i write in my deep blog ani. last words, dont judge n be a gd friend. its worth it. if your family is far, your friends are your family. so treat them as u would your family member. i will do the same.

the pieces dont fit anymore, so why bother trying?!!! dont be sad for me, i do that enough for me. nobody has to suffer anymore than they hafta. nothing u confess can make me love u less. i am all ears~~ if u r mad, get mad. dont hold it all inside. tell me n i will try to change. i will try harder.