23rd feb 2009 1904hrs monday;
hormones hormones hormones... hmmm.... guess wut i did today... the one thing dat i am trying very hard to avoid is the one that i bought... i bought vanilla ice cream... nyaman eh... td i went to the citay alone coz i need to go shop... kn tenangkan my fikiran... but i ended up buying a load of stuff... decided then n dere in tesco i would treat the girls to naan n tikka masala... since aku pun tais liur mliat... haha... calie... n ice cream yg i bot ani lg yg 2 litres... selahaw... tp nyaman.. i dunno why i bot those stuff padahal aku atu kn bli roti sja... oh well...
so otw to the city td i saw a lot of people... strangely enuff i saw a lot of couples... hmmm.... saying sumthing much?? ntah eyh... kn tenang fikiran pun nda jd wah... depressing eh... i think dats why i bot a lot of stuff td atu kali.. ntah lh ah... aku pun nda tau napa aku rasa cani now... sdgkn aku ani nda jua sng kn terpengaruh kn bli mknan catu... nda apalah... sekali ani sja...
so saja kn luahkan... been reading a lot about kisah2 cinta urg on the net n i find a lot of them sweet... some of the things dat a guy can write to their significant others are so sweet that i cant believe the guys did that... n some ada yg cintanya nda kna balas n that they cant tell the ones dat they love atu... kesian lah... so td when i went to the city, i was recalling a lot of stuff... a lot of memories... a lot of nostalgia... a lot of feelings... i dunno eyh...
no mood today... dats why i feel kind of malas n stuff... i know i nd to do my work but i cant seem to find the strength to do them... not when i feel like this... n the fact that i feel like this is what is dragging me down...
i hate the feeling that i am weak when i think of you... i hate the feeling that i cant tell you a lot of stuff... i hate the feeling when i know someone else is with u... i hate the feeling when i know i have to get used to you being away from me... i hate the feeling of you being far away from me when all i know is that i want you to be beside me all the tym... i hate the feellings that i am not strong... it took me a long tym to be this strong n in an instant, you took this away from me... just like dat... i hate that...
on the other hand....
i love the way you smile, i love the way you tease, i love the way you have always made me feel better... i love the way you protect me, i love the way you make me feel, i love the way you know when to back off, i love the way you look at me...
so what to do?? nothing, but to wait n see... i will forge on being a strong-ish lady. i will continue on as if my heart isnt crumbling. i will continue to be happy even when i am not fully happy... ppl have been doing this their whole lives... so why cant i? i can do this... i just have to keep telling myself that... i have to~~~
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