hmmmm~~~~

12th may 2009 2339hrs tuesday;

today was my first exam in kent.. haha.. becalli... i know i didnt do well salnya aku blank for the first half hour n den scrambled for the last half hour.. wrote too much for the first question n then wrote virtually nothing fo the second one.. bacali becali bnr.... ntah eyh.. aku pun mls lg kn pikir.. haha.. anyhoo.. m like totally procastinating salnya i have tonnes of reading to do but nyeh.. cam biasa malas... n now.. since aku buntu idea n malas kn baca my stuff, i wanna let some things off my chest...

first things first, i cant wait to come home. i wanna see bapa, zaki, enoi, n be in my room n be happy that kawaii tinggal d kiarong semula.. yaay!!! i will honestly try to appreciate everything that i have in brunei... coz here i know i need bapa.. i have always known i need bapa but i didnt know to what extent.. n now i know.. i wish bapa is here with me to experience life in uk... i am miserable here w/out bapa but i know i will have the tym of my life if bapa is here.. some things that i know bapa is feeling d rumah w/out me n kapjah is that the burden that is always with him, n i am not there to share that burden.. it saddens me that i am not there n that he has to just be patient... i cant take it anymore.. imiss him n i wish i am with him ryte now... i love my Bapa, the one person who has stuck by my side even if he didnt know it... Bapa I MISS YOU TERRIBLY N I LOVE YOU!!! i cant wait to go home... i wanna go home... i wanna go home now....

second thing is that during exam tym, i was still thinking of "stuff"... by stufff i mean Sam stuff.. astah.. i know i should be concentrating on what really matter n dat is my studies!!! i mean seriously, i was thinking about someone who is virtually gone n never will come back n i am still hanging on hope that somehow Allah will release me from this suffering... i wish i could just forget all my sorrow n just concentrate on other stuff... SOMETIMES YOU JUST GIVE THAT SOMEONE YOUR ALL BUT THAT SOMEONE DOESNT NECESSARILY APPRECIATE IT.. SOMETIMES YOU SAY THAT SOME ONE IS SPECIAL N DAT THAT PERSON IS ABOVE THE REST, BUT THEY MIGHT NOT APPRECIATE IT.. THAT MAYBE ACTUALLY, U ARENT THE SPECIAL ONE FOR THEM... ntah eh.. apakan aku ckp ani... aku pun nda tau lagi...

third thing, i know for a fact i dont wanna pursue taking public policy as my masters... i wanna go from scartch n take on a home economics class or something.. i wanna cook!!! i love to cook.. but the perceptions of ppl regarding these line of studying is that semua urg hme science ani nda pandai.. i say that is stupid.. brunei ppl have to change.. the education system need to change... let ppl be who they are... let the whole world be who they are.. i choose to be a chef.. an aspiring chef/writer.. i know i want all dis but do i have the guuts to pursue this n abandon all others? i dunno.. it reamins to be seen..

so anyways, i can only procastinate for a short while sja coz i nd to read stuff... bh adios ppl.. i am okay.. i am fine... but remember that a jolly person is never one hundred percent jolly... a jolly person who seems to have no care in the world might have the whole world on their shoulders... so be wary... look at the person next to u or ur frens.. they might smile at you but in fact they are hurting inside.. who knows....

SALAM....