i hate you so much ryte nw but i miss you... so bad...

5th july 2009, 23oo hrs;

i know u dont mean it everytym u hurt me, but that doesnt mean dat u would hurt me any less. i know u never ever mean to hurt me. u told me dat n i believe you. i honestly do. i cant say here what u did n said that made me hurt this much, but i also realise that i cannot expect you to know every single tym u've hurt me. coz u r not a freaking mind reader... i understand that. but i also know dat u might be oblivious to my existence as well...!! complicated much?? very!!! i so cant wait to get back home. back home i have a load of stuff to do, not like here when i always feel like nothing. when i feel like nothing, i feel depressed. n when i feel depressed, i feel dat everyone around me hate me. but then u come along n say something. if i'm lucky then u might say something that meks me hepi n i go to my hepi place. but if i'm unlucky, u might say something that hurt me n i cry. huh...!!

wutever... i gez i will have to get used to this. lately nowadays i have an idea as to how it will always be. i will be without you owez. it is the most bitter truth i will evr have to admit but i know it's true.

i am hepi for u that u r hepi now with ur person but dat doesnt mean that i am hepi. i am hepi for u. there's a diff.

i would give anything in the whole world to not care about you but i know it wont be possible. i feel sad dat you dont come around n ask me how i am anymore. i guess u're hepi brabis dat you dont care about me. so i will quit you. i have had enough crying over you. i have my nieces with me here n i cant afford for them to see me cry, so i am just gonna stop...

as of ryte now i am quitting you. quitting you will be a process. it will be hard, it will be very hurtful, but i will get over you. i just hope it will be quicker. i know now dat i cant be truly hepi. at least not now.